A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on
their way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?"  One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
  
  * ********************************
  A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,
looking at the old pages as he turned them.  Then something fell out of
the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely.  It was an old
leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.  "Momma,
look what I found," the boy called out.  What have you got there,
dear?"  his mother asked.  With astonishment in the young boy's voice
he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"
  
  * ********************************
  The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mic, and as he preached,
he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mic cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly
tripping before jerking it again.  After several circles and jerks, a
little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
  
  * ********************************
  Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother Joel were sitting
together in church Joel. giggled, sang and talked out loud.  Finally,
big sister had enough.  "You're not supposed to talk out loud in
church."  "Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel asked.  Angie pointed
to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the
door?  They're hushers."
  
  * *******************************
  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know
how you and God are alike?"  I mentally polished my halo while I asked,
"No, how are we alike?"  "You're both old," he replied.
 
  * *******************************
  A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming
quite knowledgeable about the Bible.  Then one day she floored her
grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus?  The
Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
  
  * ********************************
  A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.  They were
ready to discuss the last one.  The teacher asked if anyone could tell
her what it was.  Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou
shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
  
  * ********************************
  On teaching my daughter the Lord's Prayer.  For several evenings at
bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.  Finally,
she decided to go solo.  I listened with pride as she carefully
enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not
into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.  Amen."
  
  * *********************************
  A little boy was in a relative's wedding.  As he was coming down the
aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.  While
facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.  So it
went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by
the time he reached the pulpit.  The little boy, however, was getting
more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears
by the time he reached the pulpit.  When asked what he was doing, the
child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."
  
  * ***********************************
  One Sunday in a Midwest city, a young child was "acting up" during the
morning worship hour.  The parents did their best to maintain some
sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.  Finally, the father
picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way
out.  Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one
called loudly to the congregation,"Pray for me!  Pray for me!"
  
  * ******************************
  And one particular four-year old prayed,"And forgive us our trash
baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

  * ******************************
  One student's prayer: "Now I lay me down to rest, And hope to pass
tomorrow's test.  And If I should die before I wake, That's one less
test I have to take."
  
  * ******************************
  A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a
better boy, don't worry about it.  I'm having a real good time like
I am."
   
  * ******************************
  When the Sunday School Teacher asked if the kids in her class said
the blessing of grace before they sat down to eat, one child chimed
out "We don't need to...Mom is such a good cook"!!

***

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and
on.  Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy,
if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you
know what to say?" he asked.  "Why, God tells me."
  "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father took his 5-year-old son to several baseball games where The
Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the
father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence
Day. The congregation stood and sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after
everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church
service:  "And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who
passed trash against us." Another child prayed "And forgive us our
gas passes, as we forgive those who pass gas against us".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a church service on Sunday Morning, a young boy suddenly announced
to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"   Well," said the
little boy,"I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will
be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on
Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their
letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, "Dear God,
We had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.
The church lights were  lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle,
carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to
sing in a loud voice, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A child came home from Sunday School and told his mother that he had
learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his
mother a while before she realized that the hymn was really  "Gladly
The Cross I'd Bear."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground,
Ms.Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday
School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I
made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."  Bobby
looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say
you weren't warned."
 
***

 There was a gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in
 another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked
 the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
 ........................................................................

 A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of
 the most quoted passages in the Bible... Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters
 a month to learn the verse. Little Bobby was excited about the task, but
 he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely
 get past the first line.
 On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of
 the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped
 up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my shepherd...and
 that's all I need to know!"
 .........................................................................

 A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Christmas dinner.
 The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer,
 thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one.
 Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa,
 and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.  He
 gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry
 sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.  Then he paused, and
 everyone waited-and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked
 up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he
 know that I'm lying?"

 .........................................................................

 When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried
 about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks
 from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking
 nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed.  Seeing
 her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All the way
 home, God's been taking my picture!"

 .........................................................................

 Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce
 10 commandments.
 .........................................................................

 A little boy walked down the beach, and as he did, he spied a matronly
 woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and
 asked, "Are you a Christian?" "Yes," "Do you read your Bible every day?"
 She nodded her head, "Yes." "Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and
 again she answered, "Yes." With that he asked his final question, "Will
 you hold my quarter while I go swimming?"
 .........................................................................

 A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother: "Lord, bless
 Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!" Mom: "God's not deaf,
 son.
 Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of
 hearing!
 .........................................................................

 "Somebody has well said that there are only two kinds of people in the
 world - there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,
 Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord,
 it's morning."

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