How to tell when you have a bad lawyer: 
 
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each
other.
4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. A prison guard is shaving your head.
7. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
8. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
9. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
10. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation
marks in the air with his fingers.
11. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25
PM."
12. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the
little hammer, right?"
 
--Unknown..

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