Proof of Stupidity
 
 In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
 through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
 consumer goods.
 
 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee, that's
 the only time I have to work on my hair)
 
 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase
 necessary.  Details inside".  (Evidently, the shoplifter
 special)
 
 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
 (And that would be how ...?)
 
 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions:
 Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)
 
 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box) "Do
 not turn upside down".  (Oops, too late!)
 
 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
 heating".  (As night follows the day ...)
 
 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
 body".  (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
 
 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
 operate machinery after taking this medication".  (We could do a
 lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
 just get those 5-year-olds with colds off those forklifts.)
 
 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (One
 would hope)
 
 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor
 use only".  (As opposed to what?)
 
 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other
 use".  (I gotta admit, I'm curious).
 
 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". (NEWS
 FLASH,Hello!)
 
 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: Open
 packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta).
 
 14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does
 not enable you to fly".  (I don't blame the company, I blame
 parents for this one.)
 
 15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with
 your hands or genitals".  (Was there a chance of this happening
 somewhere?)
 

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