A church had been steadily losing members on Sunday mornings...and
each of them had a different excuse as to why they missed. So, they
decided to have a "No Excuses Sunday"...& to acquaint the members with
the program, the church printed the following in their order of worship.

			"No Excuse Sunday"

   In order to make it posible for everyone to attend church next Sunday,
we have planned a special "No Excuse Sunday".

 1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say "Sunday is my
only day to sleep in".

 2. Eye drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from
watching TV too late on Saturday night.

 3. We will have steel helmets who believe the roof will cave in if they
show up for church.

 4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is
too cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say the church is too hot.

 5. We will have hearing aids for the parishioners who say, "The pastor
doesn't talk loud enough". There will be cotton for those who say "The
pastor talks too loud".

 6. Score cards will be available for those who wish to count the
hypocrites.

 7. We guarantee that some relatives will be present for those who like
to go visiting on Sunday.

 8. There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can't go
to church, and cook dinner too.

 9. One section of the church will have some trees in it for those who
see God in nature...especially on the golf course. With this in mind, a
golf course and lake will be provided for those who'd rather play golf
and fish on Sunday.

10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and
Easter lilies, to create a familiar environment for those who have never
seen the church without them.

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 * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - wx1der.dyndns.org (1:19/33)