These comments come from test papers and essays submitted to science and
health teachers by elementary, junior high,  high school, and college
students and compiled at the NEA Life Sciences Symposium, Kansas City,
Kansas.

As the originator noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird science our
young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades."

Please note that the original spelling has been left intact.

NOTE: Some of this has also appeared in "Anguished English" by
Richard Lederer.

1.  "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the
abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains
the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, 
of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

2.  "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
state."

3.  "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

4.  "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube."

5.  "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

6.  "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin.  Hydrogin is gin and water."

7.  "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries,  vanes and caterpillars."

8.  "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

9.  "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."

10. "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

11. "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead
of the bull."

12. "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
them perspire."

13. "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

14. "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so  they look like
umbrellas."

15. "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

16. "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose  of the skeleton is
something to hitch meat to."

17. "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
two molars, and eight cuspidors."

18. "The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

19. "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
is."

20. "Equator: A managerie lion running around the  Earth through Africa."

21. "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

22. "Liter: A nest of young puppies."

23. "Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

24. "Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

25. "Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

26. "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

27. "Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope  lives."

28. "Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."

29. "To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

30. "For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the
heart stops."

31. "For dog bite: put the dog away for several  days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it."

32. "For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in
your throat."

33. "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."


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