The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine
lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort
of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to
disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and
dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear
into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they
merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in
solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the
noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power
of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my
advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors
by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow,
but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more
than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an
informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain
that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for
him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

Cheers,

     Bryan 
     Email: bhandfield(at)me(dot)com

... The only heavy breathing I ever hear is after aerobics.

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