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Message   Alexander Koryagin    Anton Shepelev   An exercise in transation   July 6, 2019
 10:57 AM *  

Hi, Anton Shepelev : Alexander Koryagin!
I read your message from 05.07.2019 00:55


 AK>> As I see it, the original text is very strong and succulent.
 AS> Succulent? What does that mean?

IMHO, rich, full of content. For instance, a girl with a succulent mouth. :-|

 AK>> Probably,  you should apply to a bilingual  person  --  IMHO  only
 AK>> he/she can help you in checking your translation.

 AS> I seek help with English.

When I translated, I translated the books for children, where the language was
not so intricate. In your case, IMHO, the checker should understand the
original, too. Also a good question -- will it be readable for English readers?
 An abstract example: we take a bright, succulent :) make-up of an Indian woman
 and apply it onto a Russian girl. Could it be compatible? Who knows.

<skipped>
 AK>> From my experience,  I've learned the main rule  --  if  you  want
 AK>> translate from Russian,  your English version must  be  two  times
 AK>> more clear and understandable than the original.

 AS> What translations do you find good according to this criterium?
(criterion) I just told of my impression, that I got talking with the native
English people who corrected my translations.

 AK>> And probably you  should  use  more  common  words,  for  instance
 AK>> instead of "bole" - > "trunk".
 AS> "trunk" is too American and  modern.  It  does  not  fit  into  the
 AS> pastoral scene.

It is rather a question to a native English person. :)

 AK>> I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.
 AS> If I do it, I shall unlearn spelling: P

A spell checker can be used only when you want it. For instance, before sending
 your text to somebody, for checking. :)

 AS> Your corrections:

 AK>> to the cold body of the earth =>
 AK>> to the cooling earth body.

 AS> Why?

I read the original at
https://mybook.ru/author/dmitrij-lihanov/bian...
It told us that the earth _started losing_ its warmth, but it was not cold
then.

 AK>> with a lush mandarine blanket =>
 AK>> with a lush orange blanket

 AS> Have you read the original, which indeed has "orange"?  I chaged it
 AS> to "mandarine" because in English "orange" is a common color  name,
 AS> whereas Likhanov used the name of the  fruit  rather  than  of  the
 AS> color and I wanted to emphasise that fruit association.

In Russian we have the orange color which associated with orange fruit. And the
 author meant exactly that color ("apelsinovy", or orange, in English).

Bye, Anton!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

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 * Origin: nntps://fidonews.mine.nu - Lake Ylo - Finland (2:221/6.0)
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