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Message   Anton Shepelev    Alexander Koryagin   An exercise in transation   July 5, 2019
 12:55 AM *  

Alexander Koryagin:

AK> As  I  see  it,  the  original  text  is very strong and
AK> succulent.

Succulent?  What does that mean?

AK> Probably, you should apply to a bilingual person -- IMHO
AK> only he/she can help you in checking your translation.

I seek help with English.

AK> Also  you  should  at first tell people about the author
AK> and the novel, or at least to tell who  was  that  El...
AK> Bianca. A puppy.

I  know  nothing  about  him  save that he is the son of the
great Soviet writer Albert  Likhanov  and  is  considered  a
follower of the Turgenev tradition.  As to Bianca, I thought
it would only please the  reader  to  realise  her  identity
through reading...

AK> From my experience, I've learned the main rule -- if you
AK> want translate from Russian, your English  version  must
AK> be  two  times  more  clear  and understandable than the
AK> original.

What  translations  do  you  find  good  according  to  this
criterium?

AK> And  probably  you  should  use  more  common words, for
AK> instance instead of "bole" -> "trunk".

"trunk" is too American and modern.  It does  not  fit  into
the pastoral scene.

AK> I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.

If I do it, I shall unlearn spelling :P

Your corrections:

AK> to the cold body of the earth =>
AK> to the cooling earth body.

Why?

AK> with a lush mandarine blanket =>
AK> with a lush orange blanket

Have  you  read  the original, which indeed has "orange"?  I
chaged it to "mandarine" because in English  "orange"  is  a
common  color  name,  whereas  Likhanov used the name of the
fruit rather than of the color and  I  wanted  to  emphasise
that fruit association.

AK> shaked off =>
AK> shook off

[red face]

---
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