Hi, Anton Shepelev : All!
I read your message from 04.07.2019 02:00


 AS> Since it is much easier to indicate motes in others' eyes  than  to
 AS> notice beams in one's own,  I will now try to translate a piece  of
 AS> artistic prose.  Prepare your brushes,  for motes are going to come
 AS> aplenty.  Besides the general clumsiness of my rendition, I am lost
 AS> in tenses, weak in vocabulary, and often have a hard time linking a
 AS> couple of words into a phrase,  let  alone  composing  a  sentence.
 AS> Translating  an  accomplished  writer  is   more   difficult   than
 AS> expressing one's own simple thoughts.  I will be greateful  if  you
 AS> indicate, and help me correct, my errors and stylistic blunders and
 AS> screamers:

As I see it, the original text is very strong and succulent. Probably, you
should apply to a bilingual person -- IMHO only he/she can help you in checking
 your translation.

Also you should at first tell people about the author and the novel, or at
least to tell who was that El... Bianca. A puppy.

I, of course, cannot help you. I only will drop some remarks on the first
paragraph. But I want to share with you my idea how to translate books from
Russian. From my experience, I've learned the main rule -- if you want
translate from Russian, your English version must be two times more clear and
understandable than the original. Many things that seems clear to a Russian
reader are not so clear to the English one. And probably you should use more
common words, for instance instead of "bole" -> "trunk".

 AS> An exercise in transation
I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.

 AS> Lying on wet  snow  in  wait  of  a  near  death,  Bianca  suddenly
 AS> remembered the smell of her mother woven from weak, barely recalled
 AS> odours: of her warm thick milk, of dry hay with patches of withered
 AS> bluebottles,  of smokily smoldering folliage that people burned  at
 AS> their summer houses that very first autumn of her commencing life.

 AS> The odour of smoldering leaves was  one  of  the  very  first,  and
 AS> therefore special:  pungent,  thick,  comprising all that the brief
 AS> earthly life of any leaf can have imbided:  from  a  sticky  button
 AS> shooting towards warmth unto a doomed descent to the cold  body  of
 AS> the earth.  Late September was pining  away,  and  the  trees  were
 AS> shedding leaves all around.  The mapple  covered  the  still  green
 AS> grass with a lush mandarine blanket. Lazily yet somehow in concert,
 AS> the poplars shaked off their last  ashen  fluff.  The  old  willow,
 AS> whose bole only three men could embrace,  littered the ground  with
 AS> its tiny leaves inelegantly and widely (? -- too wide around?). But
 AS> in sunny places rowan trees were still posing daintily,  clothed in
 AS> dim purple,  the heavy bunches of their berries slightly touched by
 AS> nightly  colds,   whereas  a  light  yolkish  yellow  entwined  the
 AS> tremulous aspens.

foliage
leaf can have _imbibed_
to the cooling earth body.
maple
with a lush orange blanket
shook off

Bye, Anton!
Alexander Koryagin
english_tutor 2019

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